Ros Barber, We’re Just Here for the Sex, Please, NYTimes, Aug. 8, 2025.
The author goes to a two-week-long retreat in Costa Rica to learn tantric sex with a FWB (friend with benefits). No attachment!
Surprise! The retreat was all about attachment:
We were here for two weeks, and apparently deep bonding was the goal. I was about to scare Paul off and destroy the one fun thing in my life. The silence between us had grown embarrassingly long. Someone had to say something.
I turned to him and said, “I wish I hadn’t brought you.”
“Oh! Ros,” he said, stopping to face me. To my astonishment, his eyes glazed with tears. “My world just cracked apart. I think I’m in love with you.”
Shocked, I said, “I thought I’d ruined something good.”
He took my hand. “No. No.”
We stayed awake all that night talking and crying. With our armor removed, we confessed our vulnerabilities. I had lost my father to divorce and my brother to cancer. My fear of abandonment had led me straight into the jaws of a bad marriage. Then I had broken my heart by quickly falling for someone who couldn’t be with me. Now I was terrified of loving anyone.
“No one ever granted me such freedoms,” he said. “Why risk losing you by taking them?”
They got married a week into the retreat and have been married for 25 years.
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